Remember ‘open marriage’ and ‘free love’?  Well maybe you don’t, but if  free love’s time has come & gone, open relationships exists in many forms and probably has throughout history.  I am not now addressing polygamy in other cultures or even polygamy in the United States, as I know very little about that, but just what I have seen in my office.

I use the word ‘marriage’ loosely, because often there is no formal marriage.  I have never actually seen a threesome or foursome in my office, but I have seen couples and individuals who are involved or have been in open relationships.  In my experience it is an uphill battle to keep it going where everyone is okay with it.  Feelings arise such as jealousy & possessiveness that are difficult to deal with.  If the core couple is strong, then it stands a better chance.  But often one person is not entirely truthful about their feeling.  And feelings may change over time.

Then there are other relationship configurations, especially in the LGBT community.  Not everyone is satisfied with a dyad.  People’s needs are different and what works for the majority doesn’t fit everyone.  There are polyamorous relationships that are strong and important.   I have noticed however that  there are frequent changes in these relationships.  People go through transitions at varying stages in their lives and what they are looking for often  evolves.  But that does not mean  that these connections are not real & important.  They are.  There is commitment and close emotional as well as physical intimacy for those involved.  They are not ‘casual’ any more so than any marriage or dyad which breaks up is ‘casual’.   And at first glance, there is a greater willingness to be open and communicate about needs and feelings such as love, warmth, conversation, cuddling, as well as sex in various forms. Needing a community where one can get a variety of needs fulfilled is not considered weak or odd in polyamorous relationships.  There is a greater acceptance of individual differences & needs. People change and grow and these relationships can help.  The jury is out though as to how lasting they are.  I do not know and I don’t think anyone does.

But as in traditional relationships, the core issues remain the same:  Communication, commitment, fairness, fighting well, humor and acceptance remain key ingredients as to whether relationships survive comfortably.