Couples therapy helps people make decisions about their relationship. They will either stay together better or decide to separate. Sometimes they decide to stay together even if things are no better. I can never predict because sometimes I have been really surprised. The only thing I can say is that if two people really want it to work, there is a better chance that it will. Love, commitment & connection count for a lot in helping couples resolve major issues. It helps if they come before things are at the breaking point, if they stay for more than a few sessions, and if both have the same agenda. I always try to remember that they didn’t start out this way. They wanted things to go well and to have a good life together. The following are some major issues that turn things awry.

Communication

The biggest problem in communication between couples is the illusion that it has taken place. It amazes me how often there are assumptions and reactions to those assumptions, & reactions to those reactions, without ever finding out what each other means or is trying to say. Resentments build. People accuse, get angry – either verbalizing the anger or holding it in. Holding it in can be with awareness or without. Often there are triggers that can make someone extremely reactive because of past issues and vulnerabilities. Almost no one comes into a relationship without ‘baggage’. In my opinion, the trick is to have baggage issues that don’t collide too much. This is rare for couple’s I see.
Communication is by far not the only problem I have encountered in my work with couples. And also there is no guarantee that if communication improves things will get better. But usually it does.

More to follow.